I’ve been avoiding chocolate chip cookies because I’m famous for ruining them. when I say I’m “a bad baker” it’s because of those.

Well, I’m ready. At least I think so.

Yum.

The Mexican Hot Chocolate cookies were chocolate and cinnamon and those were great. These have to be good.

Step 1: Gather ingredients: flour, butter, eggs, baking soda, sugar, salt, vanilla, cinnamon, brown sugar, chocolate chips. 

Step 2: Combine flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon.

I’m so good at this step.

Step 3: Beat butter and both sugars until light and fluffy. 

That’s a shit ton of butter and sugar!

In a world where machines rule over people… Never mind.

Step 4: Add vanilla and eggs.

I love the ‘plop’ sound the eggs make as they hit the batter. It’s gross.

Step 5: Gradually mix in flour mixture. 

Did I mention my sister came over? That’s her hand. The mixer spit out tons of flour while she did that. More than I’ve ever seen. You have skills, Brittany.

Step 6: Mix in chocolate chips. 

This was kinda hard. There’s a lot of dough, okay!

Step 7: Chill dough for 1 hour or up to 1 day. 

Wait, what? I’ve never heard of refrigerating chocolate chip cookie dough before baking. But I guess that’s why I don’t invent these recipes.

Step 8: Drop by rounded tablespoons onto baking sheets. 

Yes! I finally got to use my cookie scoop I got for Christmas!

Turns out it kinda sucks. The dough kept getting stuck and I had to pry it out, even though it has that silicone back to push the dough out.

Step 9: BAKE EM. Then let cool on baking sheet for 1 minute before transferring to cooling racks. 

Normally I take a couple minutes off of the baking time, but these needed the full 10 minutes. Don’t those look good and wrinkly? Just like grandma’s face! You just want to eat it them.

Step 10: Smell the cinnamony chocolate goodness. Share the aroma with a feline friend.  

They turned out great! Kristina thought they were a little boring, but I think they’re delicious. In the past 24 hours, I think I’ve eaten 8. That’s acceptable, right? I don’t think Martha Stewart is diabetic like that loser Paula Deen. (NO MORE BACON CHEESEBURGERS ON A DONUT, LADY! Watch this video, now.)

Xander was nice enough to guard these from Little Debbie who might stop by to rob me.

Link to original recipe

Yields: 60
I got: 60 (wow!)

Start time: 9:25
End time: 11:27 (2 hours, 2 minutes)
Martha’s estimated time: 1 hour 30 minutes

What did I learn? 

• I CAN ACTUALLY MAKE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! Well, these aren’t normal chocolate chip cookies. I’ll do those another time.
• The cookie scoop is helpful, but still annoying. I want to buy a fancier one.

What do I need to learn?

• How long has Paula Deen been hiding her diabetes and leading her stupid viewers on?
• When is Macy’s next sale? I need a Martha cookie scoop.
  • Is this all part of a larger plan by the app? Make me buy everything?! Okay.

That’s it! You’re lucky if you got one. I gave most of them away already.

Oh, and I know I’ve been slacking and I’ll fix that. Buh bye.