Recipe 69: Coconut Bars

I wanted to bake something kind of easy this week, so I chose these.

coconutbars

Boy, are you in for a treat. 

These have just four ingredients. 4. This was going to be so quick and easy.

Step 1: Gather ingredients: coconut, sugar, condensed milk, evaporated milk.
IMG_4532

Before you get all preachy and say, “That’s too much sugar. Are you trying to give me diabetes?!” let me say this: the coconut is unsweetened.

Step 2: Mix all ingredients in a saucepan and cook on medium-low for 30 minutes until thickened.
IMG_4534

5 minutes elapsed

IMG_4536

Looks the same.

10 minutes elapsed

IMG_4538

Does that look any thicker?

IMG_4539

My sunburned nose was not impressed.

15 minutes elapsed

IMG_4541

Nothing is happening.

IMG_4542

20 minutes elapsed

IMG_4545

I’m getting tired.

IMG_4546

25 minutes elapsed

IMG_4548

I don’t think anything is happening.

Now my kitchen smells like warm milk. This is how I feel about that.

IMG_4550

30 minutes elapsed

IMG_4556

I guess this looks thicker?

Step 3: Coat a rimmed baking sheet with cooking spray.
IMG_4551

Step 4: Pour mixture onto a prepared sheet.
IMG_4557

Is this porridge, or coconut bars?

Step 5: With an offset spatula, spread 1/2 inch thick and shape into a 12-by-13 rectangle.
IMG_4562

Um, this is not going to shape into anything.

Maybe they smell better than before.

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No.

Step 6: Let cool completely, then cut into 1.5-by-2-inch rectangles.
IMG_4568

Cut.

IMG_4570

Psych.

Link to original recipe

Yields: 48
I got: 0

Start time: 3:45
End time: DOES IT EVEN MATTER?
Martha’s estimated time: I’m guessing 30 minutes?

What did I learn? 

  • Nothing.

What do I need to learn? 

  • WHAT HAPPENED?

You might be wondering, did it even taste good? Here’s my answer:

IMG_4573

Ask the garbage disposal.

 

9 responses to “Recipe 69: Coconut Bars

  1. mmm goop! Lol I wonder what happened!? Maybe the recipe was missing an ingredient? Or mislabeled the ingredients?

  2. Trac

    I’m guessing since you used unsweetened coconut you were missing out on some sort of thickening agent that the sugar in the coconut supplies. Maybe there is some cornstarch in that sweetened coconut?? Because Essentially this is a macaroon recipe, minus the eggs.

  3. cj king

    This recipe doesn’t deserve to wear the #69 badge. If Nate can’t make it, no human can!

  4. Sorry! I hate it when things don’t work out. I googled the recipe to see what it was all about. I think what was suppose to happen was the sugar would have cooked to a nice chewy state which would have held everything. However, med low would have taken about a year to do it. If you were to try to make them again I would use higher heat.

  5. Chris

    Ouch. That looks like some nasty cream of wheat or something. +1 to increasing the heat and potentially adding some eggs or some sort of binding agent. Based on ingredients, I don’t get what would allow this to turn from sweetened fail porridge into something resembling a dessert bar.

  6. Pingback: Recipe 70: Chocolate Chip Brownies | Nate Makes Cookies

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