I will be honest. Before I went shopping for ingredients for this recipe, I did not know what a fig looked like. Don’t sit there and judge me, because I know most of you probably have never eaten a fig.

So listen. I made these for a potluck at work, but people were afraid of them.

What is so scary about figs? I didn’t like Fig Newtons as a kid either, but now I am much more sophisticated, like Martha. 

Let’s go.

Step 1: Gather ingredients: Flour, dried figs, butter, lemon zest, sugar, apple juice.

See? If the figs suck, the apple juice is going to make it taste great!

Step 2: In a food processor, pulse to combine flour and sugar.

Step 2.5: Startle your cat.

Step 3: Add butter and pulse until it resembles a course meal.

Wait until cat dozes off, then…

Step 3.5: Startle your cat.

Step 4: Pour half of mixture into pan and press.

Delightful!

Step 5: Take other half of dough and form large clumps.

This took forever. It’s like pressing coal into diamonds!

Step 6: In a food processor, combine figs, apple juice, and remaining flour and sugar until a paste is formed.

Step 6.5: Startle Nate.

This made the food processor jump around, even with its suction cups.

Step 7: Spread.

Step 8: Add remaining dough and press softly.

This looks like crap. Maybe it will bake okay.

Step 9: Bake for an hour, let cool completely. 

Step 10: Remove using parchment overhang and cut.

This is still the most genius thing I’ve ever heard of/tried.

They cut great too! No residue on the knife like the other bars I’ve made!

Link to original recipe

Yields: 20
I got: 20

Start time: 8:00
End time: 9:45 (1 hour, 45 mins)
Martha’s estimated time: 1 hour, 10 mins

What did I learn? 

• This was a pretty easy recipe. I want to try it with different fillings.
• Cats hate food processors, but not enough to run away.
• What is figgy pudding? Is the filling I made actually figgy pudding?

What do I need to learn? 

• Is there an easier way to form the dough clumps than just grabbing and squeezing?

When people got over their fear and ate these, I received compliments. Y’all are classy now.

Even my elves liked them. Well, at least Bea did. She locked Bo under that glass so he couldn’t eat any.