According to Martha, brownies are cookies. I’ll accept that.
The app has 4 different brownie recipes in one, so you’ll see this picture again in the future. Today I chose cream cheese brownies!
I think you can guess which one is the cream cheese brownie.
Step 1: Gather ingredients: Eggs, sugar, cocoa powder, flour, salt, semi-sweet chocolate, cream cheese, baking powder, butter.
It was already 80 degrees in my house, so I ran my hands under cold water for a minute to try to avoid really melting it on the cutting board.
Step 3: Whisk together flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt.
Step 4: Over a pan of simmering water, melt chocolate and butter.
Chocolate + butter = heart attack?
Chocolate + butter + sugar = diabetes and heart attack?
That does not look good.
Chocolate + butter + sugar + eggs = high cholesterol, diabetes, and heart attack?
Step 7: Add flour mixture, mix until just combined.
I don’t like all this stirring. Why can’t I use my Kitchenaid mixer?
Step 8: Whisk together cream cheese and remaining butter.
Um, how am I supposed to whisk this together? It’s stuck!
I had to remove it with my fingers a couple times.
Step 9: Add sugar, flour, and egg.
Look! Cream cheese batter!
Step 10: Alternately, spoon brownie batter and cream cheese mixture into pan.
Step 11: With the tip of a paring knife, swirl to marble.
This is where it gets interesting. Since all you have to do is tap a photo on the right and the recipe changes, I think they forgot to remove a sentence from a different one.
Check that out. Was this a test, Martha? My friend told me you were jealous of all my success that you updated the app to try to sabotage my brownies! I win this time. I’m not dumb enough to transfer the batter to another pan and ruin the marble with an offset spatula.
Step 12: Bake for 25-35 minutes until toothpick comes out with only a few moist pieces. Let cool in pan for 30 minutes, then remove from pan and let cool completely.
I checked at 25 mins. Not done. 30 mins. Not done. 35 mins. Not done. 40 mins. Not done. 45 mins. That looks good.
Step 13: Using a dampened serrated knife, cut into 16 squares.
Uh oh, apparently it’s not completely done. Oh well, they’re just really soft brownies!
I got: 16
Start time: 10:40
End time: 1:30 (2 hours, 50 minutes)
Martha’s estimated time: 2 hours (I did let mine cool for extra time while I watched Big Brother.)
What did I learn?
- Watch out for plans of sabotage from Martha. Can’t we be friends? I buy all your stuff and am promoting your recipes and app without compensation.
What do I need to learn?
- How many more minutes would it have been until it was completely done?
- Why was it still under baked after 10 extra minutes of baking?
- Why is whisking so difficult?
- Where were my cats during all of this?
Kristina ate one and told me this:
“I just took a bite and it was pretty underbaked.”
Me: Was it gross?
“No, it was still really tasty!”
Okay, they pass the test. Phew!
The only appropriate way to end this post is with a cheesy photo of me and the cream cheese brownies. Bye!
Oh, and if I fed you one of these, forget everything I said about diabetes and stuff.
Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever found a brownie recipe that gave a correct baking time. Test kitchens must use convection ovens or nuclear power or magic or something…
I think magic.
These brownie’s are SO AWESOME!!!
Nice trick rinsing your hands in cold water!
Brownie…cookie its all GOOD….I have glass bowl ENVY now, thanks for continuing this blog, I really enjoy reading your narratives Nate
I’m sad I didn’t get to eat one, but I imagine they were super super delicious. I really do think Martha is out to get you. We all know that bitch is a convicted felon, she fights dirty and knows no bounds.
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