I decided to make a bar cookie today. The lemon bars were good and I’ve been eyeing these for a long time. I happened to already have pistachios on hand, so perfect timing!

Yum, right? Seemed easy enough. 

Step 1: Zest limes.
 

Today I happened to be watching The Chew (which is a really dorky show) and I saw one of them zesting a lime. He’d slide it over the grater and then tap the lime on it. Maybe to knock the zest off? I don’t know why he did it, but I copied it.

3 limes was more than enough zest and the perfect amount of juice.

Step 2: Juice limes.
 

I was excited to use the limes to make my garbage disposal smell good, but then I couldn’t cut up the rinds. They just pushed down with the knife. I was disappointed.

Step 3: Gather all the ingredients: lime juice, egg yolks, condensed milk, pistachios, melted butter, lime zest, sugar, graham crackers.
 

The recipe actually calls for graham cracker crumbs, but I didn’t want to waste half a box of crumbs. I’ll crush these.

I came up with the genius idea to muddle the crackers to make crumbs.

Worked like a charm! I’m on my way to being a pro mixologist.

Step 4: Brush melted butter on pan and line with parchment.
 

Um, it re-solidified? Yuck.

I zapped it for a few seconds and solved that problem.

Ooh, please notice my new Pyrex baking pan with handles. Nice.

Step 4: In a food processor, finely grind pistachios with graham-cracker crumbs, sugar, and zest.
 

I don’t have a food processor, but I have a Magic Bullet – the Personal, Versatile Countertop Magician!

Choppin’ nuts?! That’s the worst part of any meal!
Not with the Magic Bullet! Chopping is a breeze!

I quickly realized that all those ingredients weren’t going to fit in the Magic Bullet Party Cup. I switched to the full blender attachment.

Step 5: Add butter and blend together.
 

This didn’t work very well. It stuck to the sides and the blade spun in the middle.

A few taps smacks on the side fixed that, though.

Step 6: Press crust into pan and bake until lightly browned (8-12 mins).
 

The wooden spoon wasn’t working very well so I switched to my hand. Much better control.

At this point I seriously felt like I had been working on this forever and it was going to exceed Martha’s estimated time.

I baked for 12 minutes and it looked exactly the same. Better safe than sorry, I took it out.

Step 7: Set on wire rack and let cool for 30 minutes.

So much waiting.

Step 8: Make filling by whisking together condensed milk, egg yolks, and lime juice.

Ew. Is this what your arteries are filled with when you eat too many cookies?

Plop, plop.

Step 9: Pour filling onto crust and bake until set.
 

Step 10: Let cool completely and then refrigerate for an hour.
 

Cooling completely…more waiting. Refrigerating…more waiting. I’m impatient.

Step 11: Cut with a serrated knife, wiping with a damp towel between each cut.

They turned out a little gooey. Underbaked? Or undercooled? Also, mine didn’t have the outside crust. I guess I didn’t push it up onto the sides high enough?

I tried to let Willow smell them, but she wasn’t interested. She just wanted down. Your loss, lady.

Does my hair look like that every day? Oof. 

Link to original recipe

Yields: 16
I got: 16 (this one was easy to do the math)

Start time: 7:20
End time: 10:30 (2 hours, 50 minutes)
Martha’s estimated time: 1 hour, 30 minutes (Hold up! Did you forget about all that waiting?!)

What did I learn?

• The Magic Bullet actually does a decent job at food processing. Larger jobs, though, probably would require the real thing.

What do I need to learn?

• What is the definition of “set”? It wasn’t runny or anything and it looked right. But why so gooey?
• How do you get the side crust to stay on the wall of the pan?

These are very tasty. I must apologize to all my coworkers who won’t get to try this one. There just aren’t enough. I’ll make it up to you.