As you know, Lindsay Lohan hosted SNL the other night. In celebration, Shannon and I had “Linsanity: A Lohan Evening.” We started by watching “I Know Who Killed Me” (Terrible. Still unsure if it was worth the $3.99 to rent. Okay, it was.) and baking cookies.

Clearly, we had to make something with powdered sugar, so we chose Chocolate-Molasses Cookies.

If you don’t get the powdered sugar/Lohan reference, go take a month away from the world and catch up on pop culture. If you don’t care to, get off my blog.

Step 1: Gather ingredients: eggs, molasses, vanilla, chocolate, brown sugar, cocoa powder, butter, baking powder, salt, flour, beer (optional). 

Step 2: Chop chocolate.

Shannon did an excellent job at this step. We’d only had a few sips of beer, so don’t worry about us using a knife.

Step 3: Heat chocolate and butter in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering water.

This is a new one! Hope I don’t burn it!

Step 4: Stir until melted and smooth. 

My eyes aren’t closed! They’re looking at the chocobutter!

Step 5: Whisk together flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. 

Step 6: Spill some beer into the brown sugar and pretend it’s supposed to be there. 

I think it’s appropriate.

Step 7: To the cooled chocolate mixture, add brown sugar, egg, molasses, and vanilla.

Step 8: Add flour mixture. 

I was worried about this. I thought it would turn into a grainy mess.

Step 9: Roll dough into balls. 

Well, it didn’t turn into a grainy mess, but it was very greasy. My hands looked like they were covered in oil.

Whyyyy? They can’t be right! I suppose if these turned out to be a train wreck, it would be appropriate for the theme of the evening.

Step 10: Bake em. 

Ooh, those actually turned out good!

Step 11: Call your dealer. 

Step 12: Do your best Lindsay impression.

Neither the chocolate nor molasses were overpowering. It was nice.

Link to original recipe

Yields: 36
I got: 27

Yeah, these were gone in less than 24 hours. Sorry, Megan, this will be the first one you didn’t get to try. I suppose I could make them again. They didn’t take too long.

Start time: 8:45
End time: 10:00 (1 hour, 15 mins)
Martha’s estimated time: 39 mins

What did I learn? 

• Trace amounts of beer don’t flavor the cookie. Use more.

What do I need to learn? 

• What happened, LiLo, to your face?
• Was the molasses the greasy part, or the butter? And why did it look so wrong, but make a good non-greasy cookie?

Lindsay didn’t totally suck, but they played it safe by not putting her in that many sketches and not giving her very many lines. Meh.