I’ve been waiting to make these since I got the app and I knew they’d be perfect for Valentine’s Day! Well, I made them and they pissed me off so much that I’m writing this 2 weeks later.
Cute, right? These look so cute and fun. Well, they weren’t.
This recipe was the longest in terms of time. I had to let the icing set overnight before it was ready for the lettering.
Also BONUS: This is the first time I doubled a recipe. I wanted the hearts to be larger than she suggested, so I needed more dough.
I tried to change up this picture by using the other end of the whisk. Stupid, I know.
My Kitchenaid threw up on me. I should have taken this as a sign.
4 disks because I doubled it. I’m good at math.
There’s my rolling mat, pin, and cutters. I guess I forgot to take a pic of the dough rolled out.
Okay, I don’t understand. Martha said to put 1 rack on the top 1/3 of the oven and the other in the bottom 1/3 of the oven. That means bake 2 at a time, right? I thought you weren’t supposed to do that! Well, the bottom picture is what was on the bottom rack. Ugh. I only baked them one tray at a time for the rest. It took hours.
Some of them were bubbly on the bottom like this. Why? OMG, get off the table, Xander!
I did NOT double the recipe of the icing for 2 reasons.
1: that meringue powder container looks big enough, but it only came half-full so I didn’t have enough.
3,600 calories! Holy shit!
This was turning out great.
Hey, jerk! That’s not a piping bag! That’s plastic wrap! Yes, kids, I know. I was really excited to try the trick I learned. Watch the video here.
If you watch the video and compare it to that picture you just saw, you’ll notice mine is a puddle, not a nice heap of icing. Apparently I made it too thin.
This looked like it was working. I was pleased.
WHAT THE HELL?! The icing spilled over the edges! At this point I wanted to throw the cookies on the floor in a fit of rage. I decided not to, since I had just spent almost 3 hours working on them.
Step 5: Let them set overnight.
It started out okay.
I tried using the silicone stamps I bought to arrange phrases, but it was really hard.
Look how this one turned out. Crappy.
When I pressed down again to fix it, the icing dented! Look how shitty these are! Loyal reader, you’re lucky you weren’t around for this step. I may have been arrested for aggravated assault.
I didn’t even take a picture with them because I was so angry. Were they good? I thought they were too sweet, but people seemed to like them.
I got: I don’t even remember. Not double. I think it was about 30-something. They were larger than she suggested, remember.
Start time: 9:05
End time: (next day) 12:00 (14 hours, 55 minutes)
Martha’s estimated time: 1 day + 3 hours 25 minutes (Define, “day,” Martha. How many hours is that?)
What did I learn?
- I still hate cutting sugar cookies, although these didn’t suck as bad.
- Royal icing sucks! It doesn’t work with that neat trick.
- I am a very patient person. I didn’t break anything.
What do I need to learn?
- Why did the icing spill everywhere even though it looked like it was going to stay?
- Did the icing dent because it was too thick? How do I make it less thick if I’m supposed to fill it in?
- Why were the bottom of the cookies bubbly like that picture above?
I’m sorry for leaving you all hanging for so long. I got some threats, so I’m sorry to those who care (all of you). I won’t do it again.