It’s been DAYS since I last baked cookies. I felt empty inside before today. I’m sorry if I let any of you down. Please jump back on my train.

This satisfies my every desire:

EXCEPT for the walnuts. I decided to kick them out of this recipe because nobody likes fucking walnuts. 

Especially with mint. Ew. I’m not cheating. I called Martha Stewart and she told me they were optional. Part of that is true.

Breanna came over to help bake make drinks. Here she is (in the only picture she deemed acceptable):

My craft table became the temporary bar. Nobody complained.

Step 1: Gather ingredients: butter, flour, brown sugar, regular sugar, cocoa powder, eggs, peppermint extract, baking soda, salt, and semi-sweet chocolate.

Oh, and cooking spray. This is a first. What, McCormick? Are Silpats too much for you? What the hell?

Check out that sweet baking mat Dustin bought me! Perfect for rolling and measuring!

Step 2: Chop chocolate coarsely.

Don’t worry. At this point I hadn’t had enough to drink for it to be unsafe to use a knife.

This was hard.

My hands were a little warm and some melted.

Step 3: Whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt.

Easy enough.

Step 4: Beat butter and both sugars until light and fluffy.

Healthy.

Step 5: Add eggs and extract; mix well.

Check out that egg mucus. Wanna eat it?

Step 6: Add flour mixture. Wait patiently. 

Step 7: Stir in chocolate and walnuts.

Step 8: Drop dough by rounded tablespoons onto sheets.

I did one with Silpat and another with the cooking spray to see if one was better than the other.

Willllllllow! Stay down!
It’s difficult to yell at your cat when she’s being so cute.

Step 9: Bake for 8-10 minutes (a.k.a. 7 minutes).

Gross! Anyone want some brown cooking spray liquid?

I didn’t notice a difference between the two pans so I made the rest with the Silpat.

Step 10: Do dishes.

Did they turn out clean? They were clean enough.
(Did you notice the soap bubbles in my hair?)

Step 11: Ignore that your cat is breaking the rules and let her smell the cookies.

Then hold her and pose for another picture.

They turned out really gooey and good! I’m so glad I left out the walnuts. I think they would have been gross.

Link to original recipe

Breanna’s grade as an assistant bartender: A! She kept my cup full and makes a good Disco Lemonade.

Start time: 9:45
End time: 11:15 (1 hour, 30 minutes)
Martha’s estimated time: 35 minutes (the drinks may have influenced the extended time)

Yields: 48
I got: 41

What did I learn? 

• Drinking can make baking more fun. (Don’t worry, Mom, I didn’t injure myself)
• There’s really no difference between spray and a Silpat (?*)

What do I need to learn?

• Is there really a difference between spray and a Silpat?
• Why do people put nuts in a mint cookie?
• How do you train a cat to not get on the counter?

There you have it, folks. Minty, gooey, chocolatey disks of Christmas magic.